Life is so hectic!

Life has been crazy around my house all summer. We have been busy all summer with kids traveling, work, and a new puppy.

Not much has changed including my weight. I am still about the same as the last time I posted. Which is somewhat of a good thing (means I didn't gain anything). We have been making some changes around the house that have helped and getting our eating habits under control. I can tell you that when you work in a job like I do your eating habits suck all the time.

But just wanted everyone to know that I am still here. I will post more soon.

Motivation from a 4 year old

It has been a long time since I have posted. Work schedules change, kids have new activities, and life happens. I don't mind. I could not seem to fiqure out how to get to the gym with my new work schedule. Granted I belong to 24 Hour Fitness and they are open 24 hours, but when I don't get off until midnight and I have to be up by 6:50 am to wake the kids for school, I would seriously be cutting in to my sleep time. But this week I have found my new motivation...she is 4 years old. Imagine that! Let me explain.

Sunday my husband and I stopped by the gym to add my 14 year old son, while there my husband stepped on the scale in front of me. I had to look are you kidding...this is the man that insist on putting his foot on the scale while I was being weighed at the doctor's office everytime I was pregnant. The one time the scale read almost 400 pounds and I about died, and the nurse gave me a funny look before we realized it was him. Yea I looked at the scale while he was weighing himself. 324 pounds! The first words out of my mouth is "324 pounds are you serious!" His response was but I have my clothes on. Really! So I made him pull out his free 50 minute coupon with the personal trainer and schedule it for the next day. I think he knew he no longer had a choice. To be supportive I also went to the gym the day of his appointment. I let him do his thing and I did mine. However, with both of us at the gym, the 4 year old had to go to kids club. She had never been and I was concerned she might not like it. She loves it! So for the last 2 days when she wakes up she ask "Can we go to the gym today!" So I can not disappoint the 4 year old, I must go to the gym.

So that boils down to 3 days already at the gym this week and its only Wednesday. When I picked her up at kids club today she didn't want to leave so I had to promise to bring her back tomorrow. We will be back tomorrow!

All mental

Just back from the hardest workout I have had so far. Not physical but mental. Three miles on the treadmill, how hard could it be. I just accomplished this Saturday night, a day and a half has passed and I should have no problem with doing it again. Wrong. I told myself I was gonna do another 3 miles today, and I wasn't leaving the gym until I did. I am sore and my knees are swollen, and I had to talk to myself for almost a mile but I did it. The funny thing is in the past when I struggled with workouts and I had to mentally get my way through them I was always negative with myself. "Look how big you've gotten! Your so fat!" ...you get the picture. This time however, not one negative thought went through my mind. It was all positive and encouraging. I won that battle. I didn't give up and I know I can work my way through it. Baby steps!

Accomplishing goals in a strange way

I added my goals to the side bar yesterday and talked about baby steps to reaching that ultimate goal in yesterdays post. I think I have warped my brain or something. It is really strange what my mind thinks about while I am trying to sleep.

So I woke up about 2:30 in the morning to pouring rain outside, but ultimately I had to go to the bathroom. While up I check on my daughter (1st night in her own big bed, yea), and then it happened. My brain stopped me from getting back in bed because I didn't have 5 glasses of water yesterday I only had 4. Yes this is what my brain is doing to me. So off to the kitchen I went for water, then back to sleep. Well at least until 4:30 in the morning when my husband came home and quietness is not something he is good at.

Gym

I actually made it to the gym 3 times this week and the week is not over. Wednesday I took my son and he wanted to work his arms, so we did a random arm work out (my arms are still sore), and then 30 minutes on the treadmill. Friday I snuck out late and headed over to the gym; did 30 minutes on treadmill before heading back home. Last night, I also had to go late, but I was able to get in 60 minutes on the treadmill and felt fine afterwards.



I have that urge again to run. I do this everytime I start working out again. I have the urge to run so I do. Usually that results in getting tired too fast, disapointment that I can't run like I want too, or an injury. All of which have helped me to quit a number of times before. So I have to fight that urge for a little while otherwise it will just be like all the other times. Did I mention I hate running! I never have liked running! So this is a good sign I guess. I will get there, it will just take a little bit more time. I do have plans to run a few 5k, 10k, half, and full's and I even kinda know which ones I want to do. So there are end goals in mind, they are just a little out of reach right now. But for now I have acomplished my goal for this week (3x at the gym).



Baby steps!

Happy late Easter!

Happy late Easter to everyone! I, of course, had to work, but as I posted on my facebook page. I am very thankful for a great husband who is willing to cook everything and to do it for 8 people. It was a great dinner and I only had to show up.

I am feeling much better over the last couple of days, my pants are fitting normal again. I thought for a few days that I really wasn't going to make it.

Easter was good I bought a few things of candy for the kids, but I only had one candy bar which is amazing for me. Usually I buy the candy I like and then share it with the kids. This time I bought what they like.

Hoping to get back to the gym tonight. I wanted to go last night but I wasn't quite sure that they were open. Of course I did not call or even drive down there. But I knew if I did my my motivation to go would go right out the window. We will see tonight.

Its always a struggle

I know I shouldn't even give it a second thought but it is driving me crazy. I got on the scale a few hours ago, and it says I gained 8 pounds in the last day and a half. The funny thing is I haven't really eaten a lot of crappy food, but I can tell I gained weight some how as my work pants are not fitting properly. But TOM came to visit and it surprises me that I could gain that much weight, but I guess it is possible. I tried to put the numbers on the scale out of my mind but I couldn't and ended up at the gym before coming to work. I had planned to go anyway, but I guess it was just more motivation to really show up there. I will pay the price in a few hours when I am so exhausted I can't keep my eyes open at work.

Today's workout 40 minutes on the treadmill and 15 minutes on the rowing machine.

Monday again already...

The weekend goes by way to fast. Well my body never left my bed this morning to go to the gym, but there are good reasons for that. The person who comes in to relieve me at work called in sick. Since there is no overlap I was kinda screwed. I did get ahold of a couple of people finally and was able to leave by 6 pm, but I had to be back by 4 am. When you work 12 hour shifts and people call in sick it really screws with the whole day. Anyway, so by the time I got home and had dinner and dealt with the kids it was 9 pm before I got to bed. It is days like this that I am glad I live 1/4 mile from work and didn't have to get up until 3 am. So 6 hours in the bed and I am back up for a 14 hour shift today. Hopefully my relief will be in tonight and I can still make it to the gym, after all it is still Monday.

I actually think I am looking forward to the treadmill tonight.

I am, also, hoping to put in another quick trip to the gym in the morning before I come back to work.

New Gym

My son had a free year membership for 24 Hour Fitness for their Varsity Program, so while we were there signing him up. I convinced my husband that we should do it as well. So we did!

Big time score! I have been wanting to join 24 Hour Fitness for along time, but it would cost too much to add all the kids, who also want to go to the gym.

It has been just over a week now, and I have only been once. But I kinda got in a funk and haven't been able to get out of it. I was constantly tired, and my body aches. I think I was trying to fight off some illness and it looks like I was successful. So we are starting a new this week. The sun is out (although I think it is suppose to rain the next 4 days) and I am feeling better. The worst part is my ever changing work schedule. I had plans to go early in the morning on Monday (tomorrow), but now my relief just called in sick, and no one has called in to pick up the shift. I may be stuck here until 10 pm. Since I have been here since 6 am, and I am due back at 6 am I doubt I will be able to go to the gym in the morning.Why, why why? If it is not one thing it is another it seems like.

Although if I do not get some of this weight off I will have to buy new work pants soon (very soon). These ones are too tight already. These pants are not cheap and they only new pants I want to buy for work are smaller ones.

New Day

Today is a new day. No exercise, other than walking out to the football field for the Lacrosse game and then froze my butt off sitting there. I guess you burn more calories trying to stay warm ;)

Short day at work, but I really had a hard time getting out of bed. I think part of the reason I am in such a slump is it has been so gloomy here all the time. We get maybe one day of sun every week and that is tough. Especially since I sit in an office all day that has 5 windows and none of them are near me. I truely crave the sunshine. Watching the weather this morning, looks like Sunday is the only promising day this week, but I will be in the office. I must remember to go out for a walk on my lunch or something. The sun appears to be coming up this morning, but who knows how long that will last.

Breakfast:

2 Eggs

1/8 cup Sausage

1/4 cup cheese

Large Diet coke

Lunch:

Sleep deprived...as usual!

I thought I did so good yesterday, but when I got on the scale this morning (cause I forgot yesterday). I was up to 282. How depressing! I just want to go back and lay in bed this morning. It is way to early for news like that.

I guess if you look on the bright side. I may have done good yesterday, and I really did lose but I am still trying to make up for the terrible week before.

Of course, when I got home last night the husband was cooking Pork Chops from one of his many Food Network marathons. They were fairly good, but I didn't ask what was in them. I just ate the little bit of the one I had, sharing it with the 4 year old, and then ate veggies and rice.

I sat on the computer last night for probably 2 hours, and the only thing I could think of was I really need to get up and get on the treadmill. Did I? No! I finally went to bed at 9 pm telling myself that I will do it in the morning. Why is it that when I want to get up early, its like someone is holding my eyes down so I can't see to get up. But any other time, I am wide awake at the strangest hours. Of course, I reset my alarm and didn't get up for another hour. I feel like I need more sleep than I am getting. But it is pretty bad when my bed time is well before my kids. I know darn well that if I just could get myself on the treadmill I will feel so much better, and I will probably sleep better.

Long day at work today, 12 hours of sitting on my butt. I wish there was someway we could change that but, it is not possible.

Breakfast:
Large Diet Coke
2 eggs
1/4 cup sausage

Lunch:
2 orders BK Burger shots
Medium Diet Coke

Snack:
8 Milk Duds

Dinner:
Caspers Hot Dogs w/cheese
Wendy's Medium Diet Coke

Calories: 1674, Carbs:124, Fat:90, Protein:91

Step on yesterday...!

Yesterday is done and over with...for that matter last week is done and over with. I really have got to get things together here.

No weigh-in today, I just got out of bed and got dressed before I realized it was Monday. So I will have numbers tomorrow.

Breakfast:

1/2 Sausage McMuffin w/egg

Large Diet Coke (but looks like I only drank about 3/4 of it)

Lunch:

Turkey and cheese sandwich on sourdough bread w/small amount of regular mayo

Mozarella and Garlic Sausage

Dinner:

Pork Chops

Asparagus (baked in Balsamic Vinagrette, pepper, kosher salt)

Canned corn

RiceARoni (Chicken flavor)

Calories:2532, Carbs:224, Fat 96, Protein:199

Really?

I suck. I went on days off on Tuesday and didn't look back. I was on the computer a number of times during the last few days but I didn't even want to look at the list. Well now it is Sunday and I have no clue, and wouldn't even think about going back and try and fiqure it out. I got on the scale a couple of times over the weekend and things look good for a lose, but I guess we will see tomorrow morning (official weigh in). That is a plus at least. I know I have failed at all of my goals this week, but hey, at least I haven't given up.

Tuesday 3/2/10...Tuesday Blues

I feel like cr*p. I officially have a nasty cold, and I think I had the flu over the last several days. I weighed myself this morning and I was up 1.8 pounds, which I guess isn't too bad considering the kind of food I ate last week. I ate out a lot. This morning again I was awake at 4 am, however, this time just as I got back to sleep, our Blue and Gold Macaw starting freaking out. This is very unusual and has never happened in the 2 years since we had him. We have a mouse that is living in our family room somewhere. We have tried and tried and can't seem to catch it. However, this morning I think it tried to get in the birds cage to get the seed droppings and it scared the bird. I am hoping we can catch the little guy before he has a billion more little guys.

So ever since then I have been up. These 12 hour shift don't help with being sick either. I think that was my down fall last week. I was getting sick and it was my long week 3- 12 hours shifts and and 8 hour shift. This is my short week and I will have 4 days off....I will need them to recover.

Breakfast:
Small box fruit loops
1/2 cup 2% milk
Jimmy Dean Sausage D-Lites Breakfast Bowl
Large Diet Coke
Raspberry Yoplait Yogurt
Country Style OJ
(not all of this was consumed at once, I had it over a 5 hour period) (approx 650 calories)

Lunch:
Chicken Pot Pie Soup (170 calories)
3 corn bread muffin
1 tsp " I can't believe its not butter"
Verry Berry Sparkling mineral Water

Dinner:

Aah Monday is here......uuh ooh

Here we are Monday, March 1st. I can not believe that we are almost a 1/4 of the way through the year already.

Goal check in: I suck.
*Track food- okay so I did this everyday, Thursday I choose to skip...not to bad

*Track calories - yea that lasted all of about 1 day...I think it was depressing to see that the foods I was eating are huge in calories. It was very eye opening. I need to continue to work on this.

*Maintain 2,440 calories--yea i doubt it, but I am making food alterations, and changing things up so this may be possible in the near future.

*10% reduction in calories - I guess I can say this is a failure, but I have to believe that I did get a 10% reduction from where I was to begin with, just not from where I wanted to be.

*Get on treadmill at least twice this week --I think just get on the treadmill would have been a better goal. I did once, and I felt great. Although I didn't include any other exercise, I did do some shoulder and arm exercised everyday for a few minutes with 5 lbs weights.

So, yea I suck, but I learned some valuable lessons that will help me so I can't say it was too much of a bust.

Goals for week March 1:
*Track food eaten
*Track calories and try and get as many days as possible at or under 2,400 calories.
*Treadmill...just get on it.

I keep thinking there are more goals that I need to list here but I just can't think of them at the moment....They will come to me in time. I do, however, have a cousin who is struggling with her weight as well. She is really frustrated right now, I need to send her an email. That keeps crossing my mind so I will do that so my mind will clear.

Weigh In
I didn't do it yet, which means that my numbers will be skewed as later in the day I am usually at my heaviest....I will do it when I get home tonight, but if I don't like the number I will wait until the morning to get on it.

Breakfast:
Raspberry Yoplait Yogurt
Large Diet Coke
Small Bowl Apple Jacks
1/2 cup 2% milk

Lunch:
Progresso Vegetable and Chicken Soup
3 Corn muffins
small amount (not even teaspoon) I Can't Believe Its Not Butter

Dinner:
Spaghetti
Tomato Sauce w/mushrooms, hamburger, sausage, garlic, onions, green bell peppers
3 slices of garlic bread w/small amount of cheese.
Diet Coke
small glass Kool-Aid

Sunday 2/28/10

Last day of February, my how fast the month has gone. I keep thinking I can't wait for daylight savings time to be here. Of course Sunday is a work day for me so I am stuck sitting for the next 12 hours. However, it is a beautiful day out (it has been awhile) so I will be going for a walk later this morning, and this afternoon.

Breakfast:
Sausage McMuffin w/egg
Hashbrown
Ketchup packet
Large Diet coke

Lunch:
Kinders Ball Tip Sandwich
1/2 cup potato salad (if that)
Medium Diet Pepsi (I hate pepsi)

Dinner:
2 Tacos (flour tortilla, cheese, sour cream, olives)
Diet Coke

Tomorrow is my weigh in day. I have to say I am dreading it a little bit. I did a sneak peak the other day and of course I was up some.
It is also the day to check in and see how on did on my weekly goals. I do know that I need another session on the treadmill, so I am putting that on the calendar for later tonight.

Saturday 2/27/10

Saturday is always a lazy day for me.

Breakfast:
4 Biscuits (2 with sausage gravy, 1 with jelly, 1 plain)
1/2 cup sausage gravy
2 tsp raspberry jelly
water

Lunch:
2 burger shots from Burger King (no cheese)
Large diet coke

Snack:
1/2 bag of kettle korn
1/2 medium (32oz) diet coke
2 milk duds (that is all my son would give me)

Dinner:
1 1/2 cup white rice
1 cup lemon chicken
1 fortune cookie
Large diet coke

Saturday wasn't the best either, but Sunday is a new day. Did get to go see Dear John though. It was good, took my 15 year old with me, because my husband didn't want to see it (he saw The Crazies, instead.) Was a little sick over night, I think the flu is going around. No vomiting for me, but for my 9 year old there was. Of course he was up eating fruit loops 2 hours later. And I feel a cold coming on, also going around our house.

Friday 2/26/10

Breakfast:
Rice Krispies
2% milk
1 tsp sugar

The rest of the day is one I want to forget. I was starving, but I know why and next time I just need to remember to eat better.

Thursday 2/25/10

Thursday was just an unusual day. It is normally my day off but I ended up working overtime.

Breakfast:
Rice Krispies
2% milk
1 tsp sugar

Snack:
crystal light raspberry lemondae
1 chocolate chip cookie
1 raspberry danish

Lunch:
2 packages of Burger shots from Burger King (only ate 3 of the 4)
small french fries
King Size Diet coke

Snack:
5 Girl Scout Lemonade cookies

Dinner:
1 piece dominos pizza,
1 piece cheese bread
small amount of ranch

Snack:
1/4 Dreyers Berry Blast Sherbert (blackberry, raspberry, orange sherbert)

Wednesday 2/24/10

I really have a sleep issue. Today I awoke at 2:50 and haven't been able to go back to sleep. I thought I was done with this but lately it has come back. I don't use an alarm clock anymore as I kept staring at it so it is unplugged sitting on the nightstand, I only use my cell phone as an alarm and I can't see the time. Oh well this time I finally got up about 4:20 and hit the treadmill. Yea for me!!!! It has been almost a year since I have been on one.

Workout:
20 minutes
0.825 miles
alternating incline between 6 and 5, and 3mph

Breakfast:
Big Breakfast from McDonalds (1/2 the eggs, 1 sausage patty, 2 pancakes w/syrup)
Large Diet coke

Lunch:
1/2 chicken breast (w/olive oil, lemon pepper seasoning)
2 potatos (w/2 tsp of butter, italian seasoning)

Dinner:
1 1/2 slice meatloaf (with onions, carrots, celery)
1/2 cup mashed potatos
1 Tbs mushroom gravy

Tuesday 2/23/10

I was exhausted yesterday and after dinner went straight to bed until my alarm went off at 5 am. Of course, I still hit the snooze, or so I thought, I really turned it off. Twenty minutes later I realized what I did. No worries I live only a couple minutes from work so I was on time.

Food:
Breakfast:
McDonalds Sausage Mcmuffin w/egg
Hashbrowns
Large Diet coke

Lunch:
PB&J on wheat
medium orange
Raspberry/Blackberry sparkling water

Lunch:
Grilled chicken caeser salad frm Mc Donalds
Large Coke (yuck, had maybe 4 sips from it)

Dinner:
Chicken and rice in cream of mushroom soup

Feeling better today.

Monday 2/22/10

Today is a great day so far. I got on the scale this morning and I am down 6.8 pounds. I am sure most of that is returning to my normal calorie intake (not enjoying myself too much on a cruise).

Morning weight: 277.6

Food:
Breakfast:
2 eggs
sausage
2 pieces wheat toast
1 Tb Raspberry jelly
32 ounce Diet coke

Late Lunch:
4 slices of bread
1 can tuna fish in water
2 Tb of mayo
orange

dinner:
2 cups Mac N Cheese
3 hot dogs
ketchup

Goals Week of 2/22/10

Okay I have been doing a lot of research on different blogs. I loved to read how people have lost weight and got into shape. They are motivational to me. Anyway I was reading a blog about the BMR calculator. The BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) calculator is a tool to fiqure out how many calories your body needs on a daily basis. This is based on your weight, your height, your age, your gender, and your activity level. I finally went to the website and it says I need 2,440 calories per day. However, I just finished reading the information on how the formula is calculate and is says the only factor that is omited it the muscle-to-fat ratio. Which means that people who are very muscular (it will underestimate the caloric need) and the very fat (will overestimate caloric need) need to make corrections. I wonder how I would calculate for the error? I will do some more research.

Anyway, so 2,440 calories seems like a lot but I am sure I eat more then that on any given day. Especially when my meals are received from a drive thru window quite a bit during the week. This number is for me to maintain my weight right now. If I eat more than that I gain weight. If I eat less I lose weight. Easy as that. How can it be that simple?

Week of February 22, 2010 goals:

*Track food eaten plus calories every day (anything that goes in my mouth)
*Maintain 2,440 calories plus shoot for a 10% reduction
*Get on the treadmill at least twice this week

Three simple goals that are achievable. I also need to start thinking about rewards for me. Because it is all about me.

130!!!!!

Holy cow! I just looked at my starting weight and my goal weight, I have 130 pounds to lose. How did this happen, uugh! Got to get moving.

Why am I here?

I wish I could say I am not sure why I am here, but I know darn well why I am here. Lets start at the beginning:

I was a latch-key kid growing up, left to the food in the house.
I spent many hours outside, but couldn't make up for the amount/or type of food i would eat.
Used my weight as protection and still do! (this is gonna be a huge hurtle for me)
Had 4 high-risk pregnancies; on the couch or in bed, and nothing to do but eat.
First 2 pregnancies were back to back, gained 100 pounds total (60 and then 40 pounds).
Work at a job that I sit in a chair for 12+ hours a day.
Work at a job that is high stress, and food consists of the open fast food place.
No time to exercise!

This and I am sure many other things led me to this point. I am at my heaviest today. Granted I have been able to maintain my weight over the last 2+ years between 273 and 276, but I just took my first cruise and I wanted to enjoy myself. I guess I did! I gained almost 10 pounds in a week.
To add to all this my husband gets winded walking out to the car, although he is 6'2" and 300 pounds and the weight doesn't look as bad I think it is affecting him a lot more. One of my middle sons is up to 170 and is having issues at school. I have 3 boys and I am not concerned about them, they are fairly resilient and will work through issues. I have a 4 year old little girl who's only role model is ME. I need her to not live the life I have lived and go through all the emotional disappointments I went through growing up. If any of the kids choose to experience being overweight, that is a choice they need to make. Not be forced on them by our bad example.

We need to do something. I need to do something! It needs to start today. I need a plan! I have goals but they are so far off at this point they seem unattainable. I need a plan, and goals (milestones) that are not so far out of reach. Check back as I spend my time creating my plan and working it. Watch as I reach those milestones and help me to reach those goals. Goals that I have had since I was 11.